


First Christmas

by xhookswenchx (ReluctantPrincess)



Category: Once Upon a Time (TV)
Genre: AU, Christmas, F/M, Lieutenant Duckling
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-12-28
Updated: 2020-01-21
Packaged: 2021-02-26 02:01:38
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 3,903
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21995677
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ReluctantPrincess/pseuds/xhookswenchx
Summary: After being abandoned by those who were meant to love her, Emma Swan finds herself building a new life for her and her son. She just didn't expect it to include Killian Jones. Will her first Christmas in Storybrooke help her realize that maybe she’s found home?
Relationships: Captain Hook | Killian Jones/Emma Swan
Comments: 11
Kudos: 79





	1. Part 1

**Author's Note:**

> AH! So this is my CSSS2k19 submission for downeystarkjr
> 
> This is part 1 of 2.

Killian Jones wasn’t a bad guy, but he was at the very least, just a tad bit irritating. 

Okay. 

A lot bit irritating. 

Well…

Emma Swan was a terrible liar, even when she tried to convince herself that she absolutely, one-hundred percent did  _ not  _ have a thing for Killian Jones. 

The only really irritating thing about him was that he seemed to have a thing for her. And she had to see him quite often, due to her position at the Sheriff’s Department. She was still just a little too young to be a deputy. Instead, she somehow managed to get her foot in the door with their logistics department. 

That meant she had the responsibility of maintaining all the equipment. It wasn’t much, but the squad cars were so old, it seemed she had to take at least one of them in to get worked on once a week. 

“Back again, Swan?” Killian quipped as Billy pulled up, squad car in tow.

Emma rolled her eyes and gestured towards the offending vehicle. “I get that I should be grateful there’s room for me in the budget, but you’d think by now, Graham would realize our cars need an upgrade.”

He almost looked hurt at the idea that she didn’t want to be there. “How’s your boy?” he asked, changing the subject. “Ready for Christmas?”

She laughed at the ridiculous memory he stirred up. The day before, she’d attempted to take him to the mall to see Santa and it had ended in an absolute disaster. “He’s still terrified of the big guy,” she said. “I’m not sure, but I think we might be banned from the mall.”

Killian chuckled, then grew serious again. “I’ve been meaning to ask you…” he scratched nervously behind his ear. 

The gesture unnerved her. While she knew very well that she was lying when she’d told Mary Margaret she wasn’t interested, she also knew she could never act on any sort of interest. Past experiences were pretty clear. It would be a disaster. 

“Ask me what?” 

“Every year there’s a little get together at Granny’s,” he explained. “There’s music, and presents, and-“

“I can’t,” she shook her head. Mary Margaret had mentioned something a few days prior, but emma let the information go in one ear and out the other. Making Christmas special for Henry was one thing, but for her, the holiday only brought back bad memories and a feeling of emptiness. Parties with people she hardly knew didn’t seem like a way to make better memories. Even if she  _ did  _ have a date. 

“Oh…” he looked defeated. “I mean… you don’t have to go  _ with  _ me if you’d rather not. I just thought that maybe you and Henry might like it. Can’t guarantee there won’t be a Santa, but he’ll be easy enough to avoid.”

“I don’t know…” She felt guilty for making him feel bad for even asking. He was doing his best to cover up his disappointment, but she could see it written all over his face anyway. “I’m just not really Christmas person.”

There was a look of understanding on his face at her last statement. She wondered if maybe he hadn’t had many good holiday experiences either. “If you change your mind,” he shrugged. “I tend to smuggle in a bit of rum every year.”

Emma snorted out a laugh. “Do you share?”

“Not usually,” he admitted, “but I’d be willing to if a friend was in need.”

There was something flirtatious that peeked through his usual shyness, but his smirk disappeared just as quickly as it had appeared. Maybe being interested in him was a bad idea. He  _ had  _ referred to her as just a friend though, hadn’t he? Wouldn’t it be safe to hang out with a friend?

Especially if said friend had rum?

“I’ll think about it,” she relented. 

* * *

Emma fiddled with the ribbon on the brightly wrapped gift she’d brought for the exchange. After telling Mary Margaret about Killian’s invite, her roomate -and only close friend- insisted she show up. That meant grabbing a quick gift, and finding something festive to wear. 

She settled on borrowing an ugly sweater from Mary Margaret seeing as she didn’t have anything suitable of her own.

“Swan!” Killian exclaimed when she walked into Granny’s. 

Her face felt hot as he rushed towards her. “Hey…” she smiled, feeling just a little dumb for her loss for words.

“You came.” 

“I couldn’t turn down a good offer for rum,” she said. “But maybe  _ after  _ the kids are knocked out?”

“Of course,” he nodded, then looked around. “Where  _ is  _ Henry?”

“Oh!” Emma turned around and noticed Mary Margaret hadn’t come in the door yet. “I bet he found something interesting outside. He’s kind of notorious for holding up progress.” 

Killian hadn’t really met Henry outside of a few hellos in passing. Mostly, he just listened to the stories Emma told while she waited for him to finish up with whatever car he happened to be working on. She half expected Henry to be as wary of Killian as he was of Santa. 

Or maybe she was only projecting her own wariness of the situation. 

“Sorry!” Mary Margaret pushed through the door. “Henry found a firefly - oh!” She stopped abruptly when she caught sight of Killian. “I’m interrupting something, aren't I?”

Emma did her best not to roll her eyes, but she  _ did  _ groan out loud. “No, Mary Margaret, you aren’t interrupting anything.” Her friend had been trying to set her up with Killian since the day they met. While she appreciated the fact that people wanted to help her, she could do without the love connections. 

“I’m just going to take Henry over with the other kids,” she said, pushing past both of them. Before Emma had a chance to protest, she added: “They have supervision! Don’t worry!” Emma watched as she took Henry over to a space set aside for the kids. Ashley and a couple of her coworkers from the local day care were there wrangling the little ones.

“He’ll be fine, Swan,” Killian assured her. “And if you’d be more comfortable, we can go over there too.”

_ We.  _

Not wanting to think about the word, she shoved the package she’d been carrying at him. “I don’t know what to do with this,” she blurted out awkwardly. 

Killian chuckled and took the package. “We’ll put it with the others,” he said. “They’ll start the White Elephant in an hour or so.”

Despite her reservations, Emma found herself enjoying the party. Mary Margaret had wandered towards her own boyfriend, David, leaving her meddling out of the equation. 

Not that she needed much meddling. The more time she spent with Killian, the more she realized that the meddling was unnecessary anyway. It scared her a bit, how quickly she found comfort in his presence, but it made the more overwhelming aspects of the gathering that much more bearable. 

Mary Margaret and David joined them for dinner after the gift exchange finished. As her friend slipped into the booth, Emma noticed the look. The same look she’d given her earlier that day when Emma mentioned Killian had invited her to the party. Suddenly, the coziness she’d been feeling became suffocating. 

It only got worse when Mary Margaret opened her mouth. “You two seem comfy,” she teased. “Must be that Christmas magic.”

Emma shot her a dirty look, but Mary Margaret ignored it. She continued to chatter about how she was so happy they were finally spending time together and how she knew they were perfect for one another.

“I need air,” she announced, cutting off Mary Margaret’s gushing. She didn’t give anyone a chance to try and stop her as she slipped out of the booth and bolted for the door. 

She sat at a table outside and tried to fend off the impending panic attack. The bell on the door jingled, alerting her to the fact that she was about to have company. Silently, she prayed it wasn’t Mary Margaret.

Warmth flooded through her when Killian took a seat next to her. “I’m sorry if I upset you, Swan,” he apologized. 

“You didn’t,” she whispered, unsure of how she might sound. The words were shaky at best, but he didn’t seem to notice. “I just… I can’t do this, Killian.”

“Do what?” he asked.

She looked up at him and gestured between them. “This. Whatever  _ this  _ is. I’m not an idiot. I know you like me… and I’m not saying the feeling isn’t mutual, but… I have a kid.” It was a ridiculous excuse at best, and she only hoped that it might be enough.

It wasn’t.

“I know you have Henry,” he reminded her. “I also know that this isn’t really about him, is it?” When she didn’t answer, he continued. “I’ve been hurt too, so I understand.”

Emma didn’t want to ask him how he knew, because she realized it was obvious. It had probably been obvious since the day she’d walked into town, infant in tow. What surprised her was how she  _ didn’t  _ know that Killian had a heartache of his own. 

“My ex… Henry’s father… he abandoned us,” she explained. “I came home one day to find he’d moved someone else in and had moved my things out.” She left out the worst details, how she’d fought just to get Henry’s things. How he seemed content to throw his own son out on the street with nothing. How he left her with nothing more than some clothes and enough money for a bit of gas. 

They’d lived in the car for a few days as she drove as far away from Boston as she could manage. Somehow, they wound up in Storybrooke and under Mary Margaret’s wing. It wasn’t like Emma to trust anyone, but at that point, with her son’s well being on the line, she was desperate.

She left all that out too.

“I fell in love with someone who saw me as an escape,” he said. “It only took a few lavish gifts from her estranged husband to lure her away from me.”

Emma figured he too left out some of the more gory details. 

She wasn’t sure though, what that meant for them. Were they still friends? Was he hinting that he was willing to take the risk? 

Was  _ she  _ willing to take the risk?

“This might be easier if Mary Margaret could just butt out,” she muttered. 

He laughed loudly and nodded. “I have to say, I agree. She and Ruby are the town meddlers though. We’ve just got to learn to ignore them.”

Still, she didn’t know. “I can’t just bring people into Henry’s life.” By people, she meant men. She’d already brought people into his life. People who had become friends, and then friends who had become family. But men were different. Men who wanted to be boyfriends especially. 

“I’m not asking that,” he assured her. “Henry’s important. His well being is important. I wouldn’t want him getting attached before we’re even sure about anything. All I’m really asking is that we get to know one another outside of work. One day at a time. Everything else can happen in its own time.”

“Even if it takes a  _ long  _ time?” she asked.

“I’ve got all the time in the world.” 

“Sounds too good to be true.” She hated being skeptical, but even Neal had seemed like a dream come true at one point.

“There’s only one way to find out,” he suggested. “Let me take you to dinner sometime.” He looked back at the diner, then chuckled. “A real dinner. Perhaps in the next town over.”

“Away from meddling friends?” she asked.

“Aye.”

Emma stood up and offered him her hand. “But maybe right now, we can go back to our current dinner before it gets cold?” 

He took her hand and laced their fingers together as he stood. “Before Dave steals all the good desserts too,” he laughed. 

They stood there for a moment, and Emma just  _ knew  _ he was thinking about kissing her. Not that she minded. In fact, she was hoping he might. Finally, he leaned down and gently brushed his lips to hers. 

She nearly swore when the door swung open and he practically jumped a mile. Henry’s screams rang out into the night, and Mary Margaret immediately started apologizing.

“Santa showed up,” she explained. “And as you can see, Henry had a cow.”

_ Well, there went dinner.  _

“Guess I should just get him home,” Emma sighed. 

Killian, still slightly dazed from the interruption, caught up with the chaos. “Why don’t I get some containers for our food, and I’ll give you two a ride home?”

Emma weighed her options while she tried to comfort Henry. After deciding that there really wasn’t any harm in it, she agreed. As he rushed in to collect their things, Emma turned to Mary Margaret. “Go on. Have fun with David. We’ll be fine.”

“Are you going to tell me about that kiss?” Mary Margaret asked.

“No.” 

She laughed at the dumbfounded look on her friend’s face when she and Killian bundled Henry up into the car and left the diner.


	2. Chapter 2

Emma’s world had turned upside down in a matter of a few short weeks. As much as she wanted to stick to her guns and take it slow, she found it easy to fit Killian Jones into her life. 

That didn’t mean it didn’t scare her.

Christmas led way to the New Year, and January seemed to speed by at breakneck speed. Before she knew it, Valentine’s Day was fast approaching. He hadn’t brought it up, and she tried desperately to ignore it. Valentine’s Day was for people in love, and she wasn’t in love yet.

_ Right? _

Despite the fact that she was willing to let the stupid holiday fall under the radar, Mary Margaret wasn’t. Their little apartment was filled with ridiculous decorations, and her roommate was constantly going on about how she and David were celebrating.

“So have you thought about it yet?” she asked.

“About what?” Emma returned, hoping she’d get the hint. 

Mary Margaret gave her a pointed look. “You know what I’m talking about. Valentine’s Day! Come on, you guys had your first Christmas, New Year’s, and now-”

“Okay,” Emma held up her hand to stop the chatter. “We didn’t really have a first  _ anything _ . We just started seeing each other. Christmas just happened to be the time of year. Besides, we haven’t even talked about making it official or anything like that. So are we even really  _ together _ ?”

“That sounds like a lot of nonsense,” Mary Margaret rolled her eyes. “Of  _ course _ you two are really together. And you two should do something for Valentine’s Day.”

“And who’s going to take care of Henry?” Emma asked. “My only babysitter has plans.”

“She’d happily move her plans around.”

“Forget it,” Emma waved off the offer. “He hasn’t mentioned anything, and I’d like to keep it that way. It’s too soon for all of that.” Valentine’s Day had never been her favorite. Especially once she’d experienced it with Neal. That first year, she’d been so excited and he’d just laughed. What if Killian felt the same way? She learned quickly that a lot of people felt as she did. That Valentine’s Day was nothing more than an inconvenience for those in relationships, and a reminder of being alone for those who weren’t.

She could hear the wheels turning in Mary Margaret’s head. “Don’t even think about it,” she warned. When she realized the warning was probably a lost cause, she sighed and grabbed her bag. “I’ve got to get to work.”

“Tell David I said hi!” Mary Margaret called after her. 

* * *

“All I’m saying, mate,” Killian sighed. The last thing he needed was a lecture from David. “I’d rather not scare Emma off before we’ve even had a chance to figure us out.”

“But it’s Valentine’s Day,” David said. “You have to do  _ something. _ It’s one of those things. Either you do something, or she gets upset.”

Killian groaned. He was certain Emma felt the same way he did about the holiday. After she’d told him about all the terrible Christmases she’d had growing up, he realized she didn’t have the best relationship with celebrations. 

Holidays like Thanksgiving and Christmas seemed to be important to her only because she wanted Henry to have good memories of them. Valentine’s Day was different. It wasn’t really a holiday for children outside of passing around cards with classmates. Even then, Henry was still too young for all that, so it would likely pass by without even showing up on the little boy’s radar.

“Dave,” Killian said. “As much as I appreciate you and Mary Margaret, you two need to let us figure this one out on our own.” It wasn’t that he didn’t appreciate the concern. Their friends only wanted them to be happy, and he couldn’t fault either of them for that. However, Mary Margaret’s need to meddle rubbed off on David and was currently doing nothing more than irritating Killian.

“Hey guys.” 

The two of them turned to look at the door only to find Emma standing there, eyeing them suspiciously. “Am I interrupting something?”

“Not at all, luv.” Killian was relieved for the interruption. “I was just bringing back the car I was working on last week. Then, you know Dave,” he shrugged. “Always wants to catch up.” He stifled a laugh when he heard David grumble something under his breath. “Are we still on for lunch?” 

“Of course,” she said. 

He waved goodbye to David and kissed Emma on the cheek. “I’ll see you then, Swan,” he whispered. She smiled in return, but he still felt as though something was off. Either she was upset, or still suspicious of his chat with David. 

Whatever the reason, bringing it up now would be a bad idea. David would most certainly relay everything to Mary Margaret and it would make things worse. He only hoped they could really talk at lunch, and that whatever it was wasn’t going to drive anything between them. 

* * *

Emma knew she’d walked into something the second David and Killian had looked at her. David, however, refused to say anything after Killian left. All he’d done was try to assure her that everything was fine.

Everything  _ was  _ fine, wasn’t it? Killian hadn’t seemed upset with her, and she was certain he’d have canceled their lunch date if he was. But something was off. They’d both acted far too suspiciously.

Pushing the thoughts aside, she approached Granny’s, hoping that a nice lunch date would put her at ease. As usual, Killian was seated at one of the outside tables waiting for her. “Grilled cheese has been ordered,” he said, a huge grin on his face. “With onion rings. Per the lady’s request.”

Emma couldn’t help but smile. The unease that had settled in earlier finally began to dissipate as she sat down across from him. 

“I need to ask you something,” he said.

_ There it was. _

She eyed him suspiciously. “Okay…”

“What are you doing this weekend?”

Emma sighed. “Has Mary Margaret been giving you grief too? Look, I don’t want her to make you feel guilty about anything. There’s no need for you to even mention Valentine’s Day. I promise I won’t be upset if we just forget about it.”

He let out a loud laugh that  _ would  _ have attracted attention on a normal day. Thankfully, it was slow. “Dave’s been on my case,” he admitted. “I think Mary Margaret is the influence though. But just hear me out before you turn me down. I’m not suggesting we celebrate.”

“Well,” she laughed, “now I’m curious.”

“I’m simply suggesting that you and Henry come over on Friday for some pizza. Then, we can go sailing on Saturday.”

“That sounds suspiciously like-“

“Inviting my girlfriend and her son out for a bit of fun?” He shrugged. “We don’t have to call it anything, and I promise there will be no ridiculous cards or flowers. I was only thinking that our dear friends  _ do  _ happen to be celebrating, and that maybe you wouldn’t want to be around the apartment after their date.”

“Gross!” Emma made a face. “That is the  _ last  _ thing I needed to think about!” She hadn’t even thought about it. But it made sense that David wouldn’t bring Mary Margaret back to his place. He had too many roommates. 

“I’m supposing that’s why those two have been trying so hard to get us out of the way?” he chuckled. “Besides, you said you wanted to start bringing Henry around more, and I’ve got a spare room. I think it would be fun, and then you can just refuse to answer any of Mary Margaret’s questions when you go home on Sunday.”

“That would really irritate her,” Emma agreed. 

He was right. She  _ did  _ want to start bringing Henry around more. To do things together, and get to know one another better. It was easy to know that  _ she  _ loved Killian, but Henry still didn’t know him well at all.

_ Wait.  _

_ Love? _

“Swan?” Killian waved his hand in front of her face. “Are you still with me?”

Emma shook the thought away and smiled. “Yeah. Still with you. I’ll grab Henry and swing by after work. How does that sound?”

* * *

Emma knew that when Killian made a promise, he kept it. There were no overly obnoxious references to the holiday, nor were there flowers or cards with sappy messages on them. He  _ did  _ manage to sneak in a bit of champagne after Henry had gone to sleep, but she’d give him that one.

It was  _ really  _ good champagne. 

With Henry in bed, they’d snuggled up on the couch to watch  _ The Princess Bride.  _ Maybe it was a little cliche, but Emma wasn’t going to complain. It  _ was  _ her favorite movie. “Thank you,” she murmured as she started to nod off.

“For what?” he asked.

“I know you’re kind of a grand gesture type of guy,” she said. “So… I appreciate you keeping it low key for me.”

He chuckled. “I figured I’d save the grand gestures for when I’m certain I won’t scare you off.”

“I love you.” The feelings she’d realized earlier that week slipped out quietly before she could stop them. When Killian squeezed her a little tighter, she found that he not only heard, but that the anxiety she’d expected to follow never came.

“I love you too,” he responded. 

“So much for avoiding cliches,” she laughed.

Killian looked at his watch. “It’s after midnight,” he informed her. “And seeing as it’s no longer Valentine’s Day, your ‘I love you’ is perfectly safe from being labeled a cliche.”

“Good.” She kissed him on the cheek and smiled. “So… nothing after midnight counts as a cliche, right?”

“Aye,” he nodded.

“Great. Then, I think it’s time to go to bed.” 

“You’re right,” he agreed. “We’ve got an early start tomorrow.”

Emma laughed so loud, she worried that she might wake Henry. “You’re so cute when you play dumb.”

“Dumb?” He asked. “We  _ do  _ have an early- oh…” He grinned and pulled her closer. “I suppose this means you  _ won’t  _ be bunking with Henry?”

“I also  _ won’t  _ be bunking on the couch,” she stated. “Come on, let’s go celebrate Saturday the 15th.”

“As you wish.”


End file.
